It was been a week now since my first initial two posts. Since I set out to post something every second day or so, I now feel a lot like having failed to deliver. So I thought the best way to solve my problem of not being able to post something, is to write about why I was not able to do so. This will hopefully give me further insights on the problem itself, but on the some time solve it, because at the end of it I will finally have another post. Looks like a good solution to me, so let’s start.
When one of the very few people, that I told about this blog already, asked me where my next post was I replied with excuses, that my week was too stressful with my day job and I just did not have the time to write. Well, the first one is true, I worked my ass off for a project which needed to have a first presentable solution this week. But the latter? Maybe not so much. In hindsight I would say that I just did not prioritize my writing enough and that the job was always way more important. It is only too easy for me to fall into old habits and do lots of overtime to make things work. The problem is, when I do not make it work, then I can not stop thinking about it and have trouble sleeping because I am unable to stop the thought-carousal going on in my mind. But maybe it would have been better if I took my mind off the problem for a while by focusing on this blog for a few hours. Or even just 10 – 20 minutes, which is all it takes to write about 100 words for a daily post right? And I definitely took these 10 – 20 minutes for other “very important things” too, so why was I unable to do it for this blog?
I guess the hardest obstacle was, that I had already failed the first two days, where something came up in the evening, like a visit from my brother. That of course was indeed an important thing and I am happy to having had spend time with him. But this shows the first problem: Something always comes up! So I would say we have two choices: First, prioritize brutally, so I would say to my brother I would not have time for him or, what I would prefer, do my writing at a time where the upcoming of things is most unlikely – in the morning. So here I am writing, just after waking up.
But this is possibly also just half of the truth. Apart being stressed out I think the next big problem was judgement, since I told the first few people about this blog. And I am still a little uncomfortable to put sensitive thoughts of myself out there even though after doing it the first time it felt great, even invincible. Earlier I already told you about the “Start a Blog Challenge” at Live Your Legend. I got this amazing content daily in my inbox, which I am very thankful for. Every day you get a little writing prompt with in some degree personal questions, which I was not able to answer straight away, since I am usually someone who things back and forth about a topic until stating my opinion. Moreover, with the setup up of this blog and the Sherlock Holmes theme I chose, I felt like I already had to break down everything to single detail from the start. This let me freeze a little and to a pile of writing prompts in my inbox, leaving me unable to pick the first one. So here is how I want to tackle this problem: Remind myself of being a beginner and focus on what my aim is here – to begin – and not on being a hell of a writer. Therefore I hereby challenge myself for the next week to repeat the Blog Challenge and pretend like I am getting these mails for the first time (actually got them twice already by now).
Okay, after hitting this publish button, I will really be committed to this one, which already feels quite exciting again. I have never stopped thinking about this blog, sometimes with thoughts of giving up and discard it as a stupid idea, but also sometimes with ideas bubbling up everywhere. Writing daily about the writing prompts of the blog challenge will hopefully put me in the writing habit I need and at the same time cure me to some extend of my fear of judgement and not being perfect. So I hereby claim my right as a beginner to not think about results and stop my terrible strive for perfectionism. Last but not least I want to give a big thanks again to the guys at Live Your Legend, who give this amazing content out for free and hope that now there is no way for me to chicken out next week and finally getting started for real.